What's Your Excuse?

Having recently returned from our mission trip from Fayette County, West Virginia and having sweated the past week away at Vacation Bible School, I finally have some time to take a breath and collect my thoughts.

First of all, let me say that I am very proud of the small group of students and adults who traveled to West Virginia and served the community and families who are in desperate need. While down there, I learned that the average income is Eight-Thousand dollars per year. That amazes me and appalls me all at that same time. I'm blessed with a steady job and a cozy home and all the other "extras" that I'm able to afford for my family. Yet, just four hours away are other families just scraping by on a fraction of what I make in a year. I'm thankful that I had the opportunity to hopefully make a difference in these people's lives. I am certain that our mission team served well and displayed Christ's love through their actions.

But that's not the only reason I'm proud of them. Here was a group of teenagers willing to sacrifice a week of their summer to get up early, work in the hot sun all day, sleep on the floor of a classroom, sacrifice their cell phones, computers, and televisions, and not complain once, and to actually say to me--"I can't wait until I go on my next one."

Let's not forget our two adults who went along too. Amy and Clint should be recognized as well. They sacrificed a week's vacation to do the same thing, probably working harder during their week of vacation than what they would be working at their regular jobs.

To say that I'm grateful would be true. To say that I'm impressed would be even closer to the truth.

I'm even more impressed when I stop and consider that most of our group turned around and spent their evenings this past week at the church serving as volunteers at this year's VBS. Can you say "motivated by God's Love to make a difference in the world for Jesus?"

At the risk of making some people mad, I'm going to ask this question: What's your excuse?

Believe you me, I've heard a lot of them throughout the years as youth director here, and not only from students. "I only get one week of vacation a year." "I not very handy." "I'm too old." and the classic "I've never done anything like that before." To all of these excuses I only have one response: What's one week out of your year, what's one week of stretching yourself, what's one week of serving God and TRULY being HIS hands to someone in need?

We all have to make sacrifices, but when was your last sacrifice to God? I'm not sure when our next mission trip will be, but I hope that more and more of you will be willing to come join us. I hope that you will come and witness firsthand what a small group of teenagers can accomplish and what they are willing to sacrifice for the Lord.

What's your excuse?

Youth Ministry Lessons from West Virginia

I just recently returned from a week of work camping in the beautiful mountains of West Virginia. I was able to witness all the cliches that go along with that as well. Cars on blocks, lots of dogs running around, and even a miniature horse tied up in a yard being used as a lawn mower of sorts.

Personally, I love West Virginia. I love the mountains and the rivers and I love the accents of the people you meet from West Virginia. It was a great setting to spend a week with a small group of students, working side by side at various work sites. The week was full of hard work, but also full of "youth ministry" opportunities that I'd like to take some time to reflect upon, maybe even some with a southern twang...

Teenagers will always, not just sometimes surprise you. I'm always humbled and awed by what a group of teenagers can accomplish during a week away. When I say accomplish, I don't neccessarily mean just in the physical sense. Students say the most insightful things about faith, about life, and about most anything when we get the chance to pull them away from cell phones and their normal routine.

My group surprised me in their work ethic. Everyday at lunch, they were the first to finish up and start working again. While the rest of the "adults" were still relaxing and watching the clock, my boys went back to work.

As far as spoken insight. Here's the nugget from one of my group who is heading to college at the end of the summer. " I'm going to treat college like prison. I'm choosing my friends carefully, not trusting anyone, rarely making eye contact, and definitely not dropping my soap..." Unorthodox, but good advice nonetheless.

Reinforced also this past week was the fact that teenagers value authenticity. Every evening their was a program time. This included a time to share from the teenagers about how they had seen God work throughout the day, praise and worship, and also a main speaker. Our main speaker was a great guy, but he definitely tried too hard at times. He tried to be cool around the teenagers and the reaction from my group was not positive.

I truly believe that teenagers have a very highly attuned "B.S. meter." They can see a fake a mile away. I've learned through the years that I really only have to be myself. They would rather be with an adult who is a little dorky and not afraid to be themselves than one who is trying to act like a teenager. Relationships have to be authentic to be deep. Teenagers know this all too well.

Lastly, (and here comes the twang!) when you hear the banjos--row harder. Deliverence is a great film on so many levels, but if one piece of advice can be applied to youth ministry from that movie, it is that nugget. When things get weird or hard, we have to keep going no matter what.

Youth ministry if full of disappointment, frustrations, and broken hearts. Luckily, it's also full of a lot of joys as well. Those "banjos" will begin playing from time to time, but we need to remember that just up the river is a better place. I've seen so many youth workers give into those negatives and end up being tied to a tree.

What have I learned? Just keep rowing. Don't wallow in those bad happenstances. Embrace the positives and push through those times when things seem bleak.

I'm definitely tired after that long, hard week spent in West Virginia, but I'm also renewed by the Wild and Wonderfulness of it all as well. Between the strumming of the banjos, I'm glad that God can whisper some truths that we all can pick up on.

Shanking the Shot...

Youth ministry is like playing golf-its hard!! You’ve got to hit that little white dimpled ball, with this little, skinny club, into this little white cup, surrounded by sand traps, water hazards, and rolling hills….and if you’re like me, nine out of ten times the ball doesn’t go where you want it to go.

Youth ministry is the same. You’ve got only a few hours a week with students, dealing with their very short attention spans to hopefully speak a little bit of truth into their lives. And again, nine times out of ten I blow that opportunity.

BUT

There’s always that one “shot” that lands on the green, that one fifty foot putt that we sink, and that one talk that we give that we see a glimmer of recognition in the eyes of a student that keeps us coming back for more.

Though, those nine out of ten failures can definitely be a drag on us mentally and spiritually…

Today, I’d like to share with you some “Truths” that will hopefully help you push through those frustrations that we all encounter in youth ministry and encourage you to keep anticipating those positive breakthroughs.

1. Take care of yourself spiritually.

Those of us who work or volunteer in Youth Ministry are the greatest abusers of spiritual well being. We go nonstop from one event to another to one meeting to another, to one phone call to another. Slow down!! Read some scripture that you will NOT be teaching on later, go on a retreat just for YOU, spend some time alone with God. We’re definitely not the energizer bunny, we can not keep going and going and going…

2. Dwell on the positives

Let’s face it, Youth Ministry is full of messes sometimes. Kids are inconsistent, they don’t commit, families question your skills as a youth worker, even your senior pastor might not quite support you in everything that you do. It’s easy to get bogged down with the negatives, but we must break that cycle. The positives WILL come and when they do we need to celebrate them and party like its 1999 all over again!

3. Give yourself permission to say “NO!”

Who knew that two little letters could hold so much meaning and power? Many of us are “people pleasers.” We want people to like us and we want to be everything to everyone. When we do that, we just leave ourselves open to getting to spread thin and eventually burn out. God wants us to be effective in our ministries and He wants us to be healthy. Practice it, say it, let it become your montra. and when the REALLY important things come along, you’ll have the time and energy to do them well and with enthusiasm. Also, you give yourself the time to spend time at home with your spouse or family or both. We need to stop hurting the ones we love the most, we need to give ourselves permission to say NO!!

The good and the bad, frustrations will come, but because we know they will we can prepare. I’m hoping and praying that you are taking care of yourself, focusing on the postives, and saying “no” a little more often and saying YES to being a healthy youth worker.

I Feel Old!!!

I feel old. Really old. I was painfully reminded of that fact just a few weeks ago at the Grove City High School Baccaleaurate service. I was asked to be a greeter outside of the sanctuary before the service began. At first I was encouraged as I greeted students and families. I had watched a lot of these students grow up and mature and now I was amazed to see them as young adults starting their post high school lives.

Then it happened.

Kelly and I were talking in the entryway and someone came up to us and asked us which one of our kids was graduating.

All of those happy feelings went away. Was I really looking that old that someone might say that? Could I have finally gotten to the point where I no longer look young? I was crushed.

Honestly though I've been feeling that way for awhile. Youth Ministry is supposedly a "young" profession. Taking students to retreats and conferences I see it. These "giddy" twenty somethings are prancing around with their stylish hair and in vogue clothes. They know all the latest music and know what kids are watching. They seem "cool" and I have to admit I'm jealous.

Then I remember that youth ministry is a calling and I'm exactly where God wants me to be. God has put me exactly where he wants me to be. Luckily, I've always had no hair by choice. I like my blue jeans and polo shirts and the last time I listened to the radio all I could think about how much better those songs sounded the first time around by their original artists. Truly, these things aren't important and I've learned throughout these years that teenagers really only care about one thing: Presence.

Students just want someone to be there. Someone to accept them for who they are. Someone that they can count on to talk to when things seem impossible. I've been blessed with being able to be there throughout these past years and I've come to realize that 95% of my job is just that--being there.

My question this month is will you join me? Will you just be there for a student. All it takes is an open heart and a listening ear. You have no idea the impact of just being present. If you are willing, just come speak with me and together we'll find ways for you to be present in the lives of these students.

Charades

At the beginning of most YF meeting times, as we are waiting for everyone to arrive, we play a game called “Reverse Charades.” This is how it works: A post-it note with a name written on it is stuck to the forehead of one of the kids or adults in attendance. The name usually represents a person, famous or not, or even a character in a book or movie. It is then the job of the person wearing the note to guess who they are by asking everyone else questions. The catch is that the “audience” can only answer Yes or No. It’s a good game. It gets the teenagers interacting and I think it helps them to think about asking questions. Lately, I’ve been thinking about that game and how it really can apply to life in general.

We all have a need to know who we are. Teenagers especially have that need. They are in that time when they are just wading in the waters of forming their character and who they will become. They are questioning and many times they don’t get a specific answer, just an obscure “Yes” or “No.” It’s a hard time and sometimes as adults and as Believers we don’t make it any easier for them. We can’t give them pat answers to their questions. We can’t always give them those “Sunday School” answers and think we are truly fixing the problem. We have to reach out in love. We have to serve. We have to minister.

I’m thankful for the opportunity to do just that with a group of teenagers who definitely need those answers. We minister to a very unique group. Kids from all backgrounds, economic levels, and even students with families who don’t support their faith. It’s a challenge most days for sure. It’s a challenge that I hope that you will join us in taking on. Here are some ways that you can help:

1. Pray, Pray, Pray! These students need your prayers. They need God to open up their hearts and their minds to His leading in their lives. They are definitely searching, let’s use some prayer to help push them in the right direction.

2. Talk, Talk, Talk! I know many of the teenagers that are involved in our programs aren’t regular attenders, but they do show up every once in awhile. Say Hi, shake their hand, ask them a question. Teenagers are very wary of such interactions and you might get some weird looks, but don’t be put off. They need that. They need to know someone is actually acknowledging them. A couple of words goes a long way.

3. Help, Help, Help! Maybe you have limited time or even limited experience with teenagers, but think about using some of that time constructively. I’ve shared with you 40 Assets in the past few months and I will begin to speak more actively about it, but take a look at that list. Where can you fit in? What Asset can you provide one of these students? Even if you only have 15 minutes a week to sacrifice, ask me how you can put it to good use in the life of a teenager.

If we can do these three things, hopefully we can help tell them what is exactly on that post-it note and not leave them continuing to question.

Professional Distance

Lately, I’ve been challenged on many different levels. Maybe it’s just all the reading I have been doing.

For those of you who don’t know me, I read a lot. I listen to many audiobooks and generally I read two or three books at a time. Just recently I’ve read through The Shack, a very controversial work of “Christian Fiction.” I’ve also been reading through and digesting a book named A New Kind of Youth Ministry. Both of these books have been very thought provoking in many ways and many times I have experienced both negative and positive reactions.

The Shack was an easy read and made me think about my faith and who I am, especially after I had read the author’s personal story and motivation behind the book–whew. I know there is some discussion on the “theological ramifications” of this book, but I wonder how relevant those really could be. At the heart of the book is an amazing description of Grace. The kind of Grace that we don’t deserve, earn, or even understand at times. Am I concerned that the Trinity is portrayed in such human terms? That the Father is actually a plump, African-American, the Holy Spirit a small Asian woman, and well I guess Jesus is portrayed pretty much how I would expect Him. Honestly, I’m not. I think that this is significant as well. As a Church, as a group of believers, we have lost touch with that aspect of God-that He will and does find ways to relate himself to us. We have lost touch of Jesus being fully human AND fully God. We find it disturbing to picture Jesus messing around with the disciples, being a man who might have smashed his thumb while working at his trade, or even having to get up everyday and do the routine things that we do everyday.

Maybe we like that “Professional Distance” that we create between ourselves and Jesus. I’ve been challenged to rethink that part of my faith. If I want to be like Jesus, then I also need to realize that Jesus was once like me-minus the sin.

Add into that the other book that I’ve been digesting for some time–A New Kind of Youth Ministry, by Chris Folmsbee. This book takes a look at Youth Ministry through the eyes of the “emergent church.” I’m not too sure where I stand with the emergent movement. I see some very positive things about it, and generally I like the challenge it brings to the traditional church and how we are doing things. We all need our constructs shaken up at times and I think the emergent movement is doing that. I also see some negative. The traditions of the church have their place and they can be tools that we can effectively use in each of our youth ministry contexts. I can’t just flippantly toss those aside as I work in my church. I believe that Folmsbee does that at times. His ideas would work in a vacuum, but in a practical sense they would fail miserably. Again, I believe there is a Professional Distance that exists. In this case it is between ideology and practicality. Maybe we were made to not operate on the extremes. Our sweet spot must be in the middle, where the focus is totally on what should be the center of our lives and our ministries–Jesus.

A Rant...

Ok, so I thought that I really wouldn’t be using my blog for this, but maybe now is the time. I’ve really tried to stay away from personal rants and the like on here. I dunno, maybe I just think that no one really cares what I have to say. It’s a new year, I have this blog, and I really need to use it-so here goes.

Why can’t parents be parents? Sometimes I wonder why I’ve been called into youth ministry. I ask myself and God: “Why? What are you trying to teach me through all of this?”

I think that I’ve finally come across one of the answers. If anything, my time in youth ministry has taught me how to be a parent of teenagers. Unfortunately, most of my examples have been negative, but I have learned from these all the same.

I am amazed on a weekly basis just how much parents are not in tune to what their teenagers are actually doing on those “wonderful blessings” called cell phones, computers, myspace, facebook…the list can just go on.

Parent’s are just woefully unaware of, #1 how to use these media and most importantly #2 how to monitor their teens behavior with such media. Maybe its not their ignorance of the actual workings of these social instruments, maybe its just their unwillingness to be a parent. To actually say “NO.” To actually take the time and energy to see just what types of things their children are doing on these things.

In over seven years of youth ministry, I’ve had to try and communicate one thing over and over again, and I don’t think that people are listening. A youth pastor/teacher/pastor/principal/doctor, etc is not a substitute for a parent. There is no substitute for a parent-none, zip, zilch. Parent’s have the biggest chunk of time actually in the presence of these teenagers. They have the God given authority and responsibility to step up and take their children by the horns and to help steer them in the right direction.

Parent’s need to be involved in their teenagers lives. They need to be asking those questions, they need to be confronting their children about right and wrong and-Heaven forbid-actually be willing to discipline.

I love teenagers. I love their enthusiasm, I love their energy, but I hate how those energies are being directed into the wrong avenues.

Can I blame the kids? Sure. They hold some responsibility. They need to see their actions as the world sees their actions. They need to think about how they actually look. They need to remember that they are being evaluated by a non-believing world every day. They need to realize that character and integrity are things that are valued in this world.

Can I blame parents? Absolutely. They hold incredible responsibility. They need to assert themselves as the best mentor and the best teacher and the best picture of Jesus that their teenagers might ever see.

My dream. That someday that youth ministry in the church is second priority to the real youth ministry in the home.

Parents, please be parents. Teenagers, please think about who you are and what you stand for before you act. Youth Pastors, please don’t try and be surrogate parents….