Girl Games

I love my wife. For really. I do.

She's a great woman. She's everything that I'm not. Organized. Aware. Focused. She's a hard working woman who has the really hard job of keeping her crazy, flighty, and ADHD husband in line and going.

We have been dating for half of our lives. Doing life together, growing up together, and having fun every step of the way.

It's been challenging at times. We've had our fair share of craziness, but I'm thankful for how our marriage has grown and improved through each tribulation. The good has extremely outweighed the bad and if I could do it all over again, I would.

BUT...

Being a husband is tough. God has made us extremely different from the opposite gender. We process things differently and communicate differently. Men most times operate in the "black and white" while women thrive in the "grays."

I like to call this particular quality "Girl Gaming."

Instead of asking us to rub your shoulders, you make comments about how much your shoulders hurt. Instead of asking us to help clean up after dinner, you talk about what kind of a crazy day that you have had. All the while, expecting us husbands to pick up on these subtle hints. Then you get upset when we don't meet those expectations.

Ladies. Guess what. Stop "Girl Gaming" us! Honestly, it has taken my wife and I almost 14 years to finally get to the point where I'm beginning to understand this. Let me emphasize, BEGINNING to understand. I am in no way a professional in this area at all, nor do I play one on TV.

It's such a delicate dance and it takes a delicate, listening ear and a lot of patience to get through these girl games. Sometimes I wish that women came with subtitle translations. It would make our lives so much easier.


In many ways though, that's exactly how God communicates with us sometimes. God works in the subtleties.

There is that great passage that I continue to go back to throughout my life. Elijah has just brought down fire from Heaven in his confrontation with the prophets of Baal. God shows His power greatly through Elijah. Afterwards, Elijah flees. Jezebel wants his head and he goes on the lam. The Lord comes to speak to Elijah and comes not in the great wind, not in the earthquake, and not in the fire. Instead, He comes in a gentle whisper.

Listening to the Lord speak in our lives takes a delicate, listening ear and a lot of patience. Like women, God doesn't come with subtitles, even though it would make things that much easier.

God is in the Gray. And like my marriage, it's taken me a long time to realize this. I have to be listening well when both my wife and God is talking to me. When we do this our, relationships are so much more rewarding.

Now if you'll excuse me, I think Kelly's subtitles just said that I need to come cuddle on the couch with her.

Thoughts inspired from a "weak throw from left"

For those of you who don't know, I am a huge Pirates fan.

I've loved the Buccos nearly all my life.

I think it all started when I was around six years old and I began collecting baseball cards. Every week I would try and earn enough allowance to buy a pack or two of baseball cards. I remember collecting them and sorting them into teams and picking out my favorites. I remember the Pirates deck of cards that I had with John Candelaria, Kent Tekulve, and Tony Pena just to name a few. I especially was fond of John Candelaria.

My mother is Filipino and we would take a monthly trip down to the Strip District in Pittsburgh and go shopping at a few Filipino markets. On one of these trips I remember walking down the aisle of Sanbok, which was one of the best Filipino shops on Penn Avenue and coming across the towering presence of John Candelaria. I recognized him immediately and froze and stared in wonder.

Luckily my mom was with me and she started speaking with John Candelaria's wife, who was Filipino. They struck up a conversation in rapid fire Tagalog (a major Filipino dialect) and the next thing I knew John Candelaria bent down and shook my hand.

He looked at my Pirates hat and smiled and said "Good choice in teams...Nice to meet you." Finally shaken out of my daze I told him it was nice to meet him as well and that I had his baseball card at home. He patted me on my seven year old head and said, "Well, keep rooting for us." My mom and his wife ended their conversation and we all said our goodbyes and I've been a Pirates fan every since.

Most of that time has been in frustration though, as they have managed to have a losing record in the each of the past 18 seasons. Once again, as this baseball season comes to a close, I'm haunted by the memory of a "weak throw from left."



I'm also thankful.

Seasons end and ultimately begin over again. Like Roger Hornsby, "I stare out the window and wait for spring to come." And it does. Last year becomes a memory and the slate is wiped clean again. Hope is restored.

Everyday I am amazed at how this idea resonates in ALL aspects of life. In our relationships. In our professions. In our Spiritual walks. Seasons of our lives end. Our past mistakes, missteps, and deeds are wiped clean. Hope is restored.

My hope in Christ: That Grace continues to flow abundantly.
My hope in the Pirates: More wins than losses...

Reverse Trick or Treat!!

Here's my submission for the Compassion365's Halloween podcast on 10/31. Podcasting for Compassion is a daily podcast dedicated to raising funds and awareness for Compassion International. You can check them out and subscribe to their feed at
http://compassion.socialgivingpodcast.com .
The challenge is to write a 100 word story that infuses the theme of compassion with Halloween. At first I thought this would be cake, but as I started to write, I realized just how quickly 100 words can be thrown down.

These 100 words actually took me longer to write than some of my papers from college! I hope you enjoy and are inspired to participate. If you would like to submit a 100 word story of compassion and Halloween, you can email your writing to compassion365 {at} gmail {dot} com.

This story is dedicated to the Compassion Child that our youth ministry sponsors, Nsengiyaremye Sylvain from Rwanda.

Leaves rustled as Chloe and Corban shuffled past. Costumed children abounded in the neighborhood, going house to house gathering sweet confections, but the duo paid no attention. Behind them they lugged a large Radio Flier filled with plastic bags. They pulled this cart up to the only house not festooned with decorations and lifted it onto the porch and rang the doorbell. A boy answered, hobbling on crutches, the spinabifida hindering his mobility, his eyes wide as he spied the cart heaped with treats. Everyone on the street seemed to stop and stare as the two gleefully exclaimed: “Reverse Trick or Treat!”

You can sponsor a child through Compassion International: www.compassion.com

Crosswords and Soduko

I've become addicted. No, it's not smoking or drinking or even some other vice.

It's crosswords.

Strange, but I've come to enjoy solving crosswords. There's a satisfaction in finally coming up with that missing word that totally unlocks the crossword. It's also helped to expand my lexicon. Where else could I have learned words like: Alee, Aria, Roc, Melee, and Obi. There are more, but you get the idea.

One day I was feeling a little over confident and decided to tackle the the daily Soduko puzzle. For those of you that don't know, Soduko deals with numbers. I thought, hey if I can do a crossword I can figure this thing out.

Let's just say that I was proven wrong and pretty quickly. 30 mins into it and I was ready to snap my pencil in half and burn that paper. I've never really liked numbers and my hatred was definitely amplified with that experience.

I've come to learn that youth ministry is very much like my dealings with puzzles. There's a sense of accomplishment when we find that one little thing that "unlocks" a student. I relish those "Aha" moments when their eyes light up with understanding and awareness. On the other hand, I have also found that when I try something new it can fail miserably. When kids don't seem to be getting it or aren't consistent, I find myself wanting to break something!

I wonder if sometimes God feels that same about us. I wonder if He does a touchdown dance everytime one of us finally "gets it." I wonder if He clenches His fists when we really screw it up.

I don't know, but what I do know is that God keeps trying. He doesn't give up and He uses everything He can to try and unlock our hearts and minds.

This coming school year, our youth group will be looking at those different ways that God has been trying to reach us, more specifically how He has used certain objects to teach us about Him. We'll look at rocks, clay, water, sand and how all of these objects are used in the Bible to help us understand who God is and what He's all about.

Please join me in praying for these students and also for our leaders. Pray that hopefully these lessons will hit home and be that one thing that unlocks some puzzling things in these teenagers lives. Also, pray that my only frustrations will be with my attempts at Soduko and not with my dealings with youth ministry.

In the meantime, does anyone know a four-letter word that means Lummox?

Turkey Splash!!

I've always said that a big part of Youth Ministry is making memories. When I think about my youth group experiences a few very vivid images flash across my inner eye. First off I think about when I was a teenager in youth group. Many times camping was the highlight of our summer experiences and that meant sleeping in a tent with my fellow guy youth groupers. Of course we didn't go to sleep right away and one of things we did was play "steamroller."

I guess that "play" is the wrong word-it was more of an event. My friend (let's keep his identity secret: we'll call him J. Coyer...) would scream "STEAMROLLER" and promptly roll over us all. Many grunts and groans could be heard throughout the night.

I'll always remember the lock-ins, in which we would play volleyball and basketball into the wee morning hours. I'll remember trips to Creation Music Festival and all night bowling. And I'll always remember that Grace is "an undeserved gift."

A few weeks ago, an event that I (and I'm sure the teenagers) will always remember occured. While traveling on the interstate I hit a turkey trying to cross the road. (insert cheesy joke here) As you can see from the picture above, it made quite the impact on my windshield. Luckily I was still able to drive the van and with the help of some creative engineering we were able to make it home safely too. Looking back on it, many "youth ministry" truths come out of that memory.

1. Be Proactive, don't just React: The whole turkey incident was something that I could see coming. I saw it cross the road, juke to the right and then back to the left and start running. My plan, in seeing this behavior, was to promptly line it up and run it over since I really didn't feel safe trying to turn out of the way. What I didn't plan on was it trying to fly---right into my windshield.

I had planned as much as I could and when things didn't go well, I rolled with it. We actually drove down the road for a few hundred feet and then I began to slow down and pull off. The teenagers in the car afterwards were very surprised at how calm I was and how cautiously I slowed down and pulled off the road.

When it comes to youth ministry we definitely need to be in that same mindset. We have to plan and be ready for every possibility and when things don't go how we expect we need to roll with it and just move on-cautiously and slowly. It's good to just pull over every once in awhile and inspect the damage...

2. Sometimes you just need to keep going: When I hit that turkey, I had no idea how hard it would be to find a replacement windshield. No one, and I mean absolutely no one, had it in the entire city of Erie, PA. I had really no choice. I was going to have to drive it home. So, after some creative engineering with the help of some friends we made the best of it and away we went. It was amazing how God provided. We missed all the major rain on the way home and the cracks in the windshield were all in the right place, that I had almost a perfect line of sight. We just kept going and the journey was safe.

Again, working in youth ministry is like that. Things happen and we just need to push through and trust in the Lord. It's amazing what happens when we do that. Those little bumps in the road and frustrations don't need to stop us from doing our work and reaching out to teens.

3. The Bigger the Turkey, the bigger the crater: That turkey was rather large and when it hit, it made quite the impact crater on my windshield. In youth ministry, the same holds true. The bigger the turkey/problem the bigger the dent that it can have in our ministry. It's important to handle the little things before they become big things.

If we don't take care of that little problem that Billy has with Suzie, it can become an even larger problem. When things get big they get hard to fix and the damage will be costly. Working with teenagers, sometimes we have to minimize the damage. I'd rather deal with a chip on my windshield, than a turkey sized crater in front of me.

I'm thankful for memories and the work that my Church Family has afforded me the privilege to do. Thank you for your support. Thank you for giving these teens memories that will always stick with them as they continue to grow in their faith.

Thoughts on being a father...

This is a repost from an old blog of mine. As you can tell this was awhile ago, but I still love being a father just the same. With our oldest turing 11 this week, I'm feeling kinda reminiscent...

I’m the father of three wonderful (sometimes frustrating) kids. 7, 5, 3, that’s their ages, odd numbers for sometimes odd kids. I love the little things about being a father. Everyday I come home from work to smiling kids. My youngest is always there to give me a hug as I walk through the door. The other older ones always stop and say "HI Dad!" and then go about their business (hey, they’re busy) I LOVE that.

Right now, we’re potty-training our 3 year. (OK, maybe its more like the Bataan Death March, since we’ve been at it since LAST September.) This potty training has a very unique component to it. At night, just before I go to sleep I take her to the bathroom. I stalk into her room and pick her out of bed and carry her off to the potty. It’s actually one of my favorite times of the day. When I pick her up she is still 95% asleep so she wraps her arms tightly around my neck and her legs tightly around my stomach and nuzzles her head in the crook of my neck. I LOVE that.

She’s so close and so fragile and totally my responsibility and the very best thing is that she fits perfectly in that position with my body. It’s like we were made for each other.

Its like that with all of our kids. Its those late night, grabbing them out of the car seat, still asleep, times that you realize it. You realize that this parenthood stuff is special, feels good, and is so humbling. You realize that you don’t ever want to lose that feeling of closeness that you have with your children at THAT moment.

Our Heavenly Father wants to have that same kind of relationship with us. He wants to be that close. He wants to be there, to carry us into our beds, tuck us in and kiss us on the foreheads. He desires that kind of relationship with us, His children. He wants us to stop what we’re doing, if only for a brief second, and say "HI Dad!"

Galatians 4:6,7 Because you are sons, God sent the Spirit of his Son into our hearts, the Spirit who calls out, Abba, Father.

Everything Turns to Nothing

Sometimes I really struggle. I struggle to keep it all together. I struggle in my faith. I struggle with balancing being a husband, a father, a youth director, a good employee. Point is: I struggle.

July was such a demanding month with a lot of things going on, and in the midst of that busyness, my struggles seem amplified. Sometimes I just wish that I had a pause button for my life so I could stop and catch a breather. There was definitely times where I said: "OK God. When is enough, enough?"

Tonight, God finally decided to give me the answer.

Like many times, He seems to always speak to me through music. The song is "Next to You" by Jay Michael. (You should really check him out--HERE! ) To give you an better understanding, here's the chorus:

Everything turns to nothing, Everything turns to nothing, Everything turns to nothing when I'm next to You.

Simple words, but powerful meaning. And it all hit home tonight.

Yesterday, we met a couple who is following God's calling in their lives to be counselor parents at a residential placement facility. They are uprooting their lives, their kids, their pets, and leaving well established ministries on the other side of the state. Their story is wrought full of how God has moved mightily and quickly to make this all happen. I'm blessed that Kelly and I have found ourselves part of that story.

Everything turns to nothing, Everything turns to nothing, Everything turns to nothing when I'm next to You.

Today, we had an awesome worship service and I was able to talk to one of our youth who I haven't seen most of the summer. She's working at a Bible camp and she shared just how great of an experience it has been for her and how she has grown in her faith because of that. I left feeling pretty blessed that once again, God has used me in part of that story.

Everything turns to nothing, Everything turns to nothing, Everything turns to nothing when I'm next to You.

Tonight, three students, two from the youth ministry, and one that just showed up tonight for the concert put some of their struggles at the foot of the cross and either rededicated or committed their lives to Christ. In speaking to these students, I'm amazed at the struggles that they are going through. Teenagers have it rough. Even more rough than we realize at times. I'm thankful that God has given me the opportunity to work with these kids and share and encourage them through these struggles. I'm blessed for the part God has for me in their stories.

Everything turns to nothing, Everything turns to nothing, Everything turns to nothing when I'm next to You.

Sitting here, reflecting on it all those words keep repeating themselves. That chorus keeps replaying in my head. My struggles aren't struggles at all. When I put them next to God, they aren't anything. In fact, these very struggles are what has prepared me for a lot of these things that I've dealt with and will begin to deal with. When I put them into a context like that, they really aren't struggles at all. They are part of my story and I hope that it can be an encouragement to someone elses' story...