I Feel Old!!!

I feel old. Really old. I was painfully reminded of that fact just a few weeks ago at the Grove City High School Baccaleaurate service. I was asked to be a greeter outside of the sanctuary before the service began. At first I was encouraged as I greeted students and families. I had watched a lot of these students grow up and mature and now I was amazed to see them as young adults starting their post high school lives.

Then it happened.

Kelly and I were talking in the entryway and someone came up to us and asked us which one of our kids was graduating.

All of those happy feelings went away. Was I really looking that old that someone might say that? Could I have finally gotten to the point where I no longer look young? I was crushed.

Honestly though I've been feeling that way for awhile. Youth Ministry is supposedly a "young" profession. Taking students to retreats and conferences I see it. These "giddy" twenty somethings are prancing around with their stylish hair and in vogue clothes. They know all the latest music and know what kids are watching. They seem "cool" and I have to admit I'm jealous.

Then I remember that youth ministry is a calling and I'm exactly where God wants me to be. God has put me exactly where he wants me to be. Luckily, I've always had no hair by choice. I like my blue jeans and polo shirts and the last time I listened to the radio all I could think about how much better those songs sounded the first time around by their original artists. Truly, these things aren't important and I've learned throughout these years that teenagers really only care about one thing: Presence.

Students just want someone to be there. Someone to accept them for who they are. Someone that they can count on to talk to when things seem impossible. I've been blessed with being able to be there throughout these past years and I've come to realize that 95% of my job is just that--being there.

My question this month is will you join me? Will you just be there for a student. All it takes is an open heart and a listening ear. You have no idea the impact of just being present. If you are willing, just come speak with me and together we'll find ways for you to be present in the lives of these students.

Charades

At the beginning of most YF meeting times, as we are waiting for everyone to arrive, we play a game called “Reverse Charades.” This is how it works: A post-it note with a name written on it is stuck to the forehead of one of the kids or adults in attendance. The name usually represents a person, famous or not, or even a character in a book or movie. It is then the job of the person wearing the note to guess who they are by asking everyone else questions. The catch is that the “audience” can only answer Yes or No. It’s a good game. It gets the teenagers interacting and I think it helps them to think about asking questions. Lately, I’ve been thinking about that game and how it really can apply to life in general.

We all have a need to know who we are. Teenagers especially have that need. They are in that time when they are just wading in the waters of forming their character and who they will become. They are questioning and many times they don’t get a specific answer, just an obscure “Yes” or “No.” It’s a hard time and sometimes as adults and as Believers we don’t make it any easier for them. We can’t give them pat answers to their questions. We can’t always give them those “Sunday School” answers and think we are truly fixing the problem. We have to reach out in love. We have to serve. We have to minister.

I’m thankful for the opportunity to do just that with a group of teenagers who definitely need those answers. We minister to a very unique group. Kids from all backgrounds, economic levels, and even students with families who don’t support their faith. It’s a challenge most days for sure. It’s a challenge that I hope that you will join us in taking on. Here are some ways that you can help:

1. Pray, Pray, Pray! These students need your prayers. They need God to open up their hearts and their minds to His leading in their lives. They are definitely searching, let’s use some prayer to help push them in the right direction.

2. Talk, Talk, Talk! I know many of the teenagers that are involved in our programs aren’t regular attenders, but they do show up every once in awhile. Say Hi, shake their hand, ask them a question. Teenagers are very wary of such interactions and you might get some weird looks, but don’t be put off. They need that. They need to know someone is actually acknowledging them. A couple of words goes a long way.

3. Help, Help, Help! Maybe you have limited time or even limited experience with teenagers, but think about using some of that time constructively. I’ve shared with you 40 Assets in the past few months and I will begin to speak more actively about it, but take a look at that list. Where can you fit in? What Asset can you provide one of these students? Even if you only have 15 minutes a week to sacrifice, ask me how you can put it to good use in the life of a teenager.

If we can do these three things, hopefully we can help tell them what is exactly on that post-it note and not leave them continuing to question.

Professional Distance

Lately, I’ve been challenged on many different levels. Maybe it’s just all the reading I have been doing.

For those of you who don’t know me, I read a lot. I listen to many audiobooks and generally I read two or three books at a time. Just recently I’ve read through The Shack, a very controversial work of “Christian Fiction.” I’ve also been reading through and digesting a book named A New Kind of Youth Ministry. Both of these books have been very thought provoking in many ways and many times I have experienced both negative and positive reactions.

The Shack was an easy read and made me think about my faith and who I am, especially after I had read the author’s personal story and motivation behind the book–whew. I know there is some discussion on the “theological ramifications” of this book, but I wonder how relevant those really could be. At the heart of the book is an amazing description of Grace. The kind of Grace that we don’t deserve, earn, or even understand at times. Am I concerned that the Trinity is portrayed in such human terms? That the Father is actually a plump, African-American, the Holy Spirit a small Asian woman, and well I guess Jesus is portrayed pretty much how I would expect Him. Honestly, I’m not. I think that this is significant as well. As a Church, as a group of believers, we have lost touch with that aspect of God-that He will and does find ways to relate himself to us. We have lost touch of Jesus being fully human AND fully God. We find it disturbing to picture Jesus messing around with the disciples, being a man who might have smashed his thumb while working at his trade, or even having to get up everyday and do the routine things that we do everyday.

Maybe we like that “Professional Distance” that we create between ourselves and Jesus. I’ve been challenged to rethink that part of my faith. If I want to be like Jesus, then I also need to realize that Jesus was once like me-minus the sin.

Add into that the other book that I’ve been digesting for some time–A New Kind of Youth Ministry, by Chris Folmsbee. This book takes a look at Youth Ministry through the eyes of the “emergent church.” I’m not too sure where I stand with the emergent movement. I see some very positive things about it, and generally I like the challenge it brings to the traditional church and how we are doing things. We all need our constructs shaken up at times and I think the emergent movement is doing that. I also see some negative. The traditions of the church have their place and they can be tools that we can effectively use in each of our youth ministry contexts. I can’t just flippantly toss those aside as I work in my church. I believe that Folmsbee does that at times. His ideas would work in a vacuum, but in a practical sense they would fail miserably. Again, I believe there is a Professional Distance that exists. In this case it is between ideology and practicality. Maybe we were made to not operate on the extremes. Our sweet spot must be in the middle, where the focus is totally on what should be the center of our lives and our ministries–Jesus.

A Rant...

Ok, so I thought that I really wouldn’t be using my blog for this, but maybe now is the time. I’ve really tried to stay away from personal rants and the like on here. I dunno, maybe I just think that no one really cares what I have to say. It’s a new year, I have this blog, and I really need to use it-so here goes.

Why can’t parents be parents? Sometimes I wonder why I’ve been called into youth ministry. I ask myself and God: “Why? What are you trying to teach me through all of this?”

I think that I’ve finally come across one of the answers. If anything, my time in youth ministry has taught me how to be a parent of teenagers. Unfortunately, most of my examples have been negative, but I have learned from these all the same.

I am amazed on a weekly basis just how much parents are not in tune to what their teenagers are actually doing on those “wonderful blessings” called cell phones, computers, myspace, facebook…the list can just go on.

Parent’s are just woefully unaware of, #1 how to use these media and most importantly #2 how to monitor their teens behavior with such media. Maybe its not their ignorance of the actual workings of these social instruments, maybe its just their unwillingness to be a parent. To actually say “NO.” To actually take the time and energy to see just what types of things their children are doing on these things.

In over seven years of youth ministry, I’ve had to try and communicate one thing over and over again, and I don’t think that people are listening. A youth pastor/teacher/pastor/principal/doctor, etc is not a substitute for a parent. There is no substitute for a parent-none, zip, zilch. Parent’s have the biggest chunk of time actually in the presence of these teenagers. They have the God given authority and responsibility to step up and take their children by the horns and to help steer them in the right direction.

Parent’s need to be involved in their teenagers lives. They need to be asking those questions, they need to be confronting their children about right and wrong and-Heaven forbid-actually be willing to discipline.

I love teenagers. I love their enthusiasm, I love their energy, but I hate how those energies are being directed into the wrong avenues.

Can I blame the kids? Sure. They hold some responsibility. They need to see their actions as the world sees their actions. They need to think about how they actually look. They need to remember that they are being evaluated by a non-believing world every day. They need to realize that character and integrity are things that are valued in this world.

Can I blame parents? Absolutely. They hold incredible responsibility. They need to assert themselves as the best mentor and the best teacher and the best picture of Jesus that their teenagers might ever see.

My dream. That someday that youth ministry in the church is second priority to the real youth ministry in the home.

Parents, please be parents. Teenagers, please think about who you are and what you stand for before you act. Youth Pastors, please don’t try and be surrogate parents….

When do you give it up?

I’ve been thinking that lately. When do you give it up. I mean, no matter what the “it” is, how do you decide?

Recently, I’ve really been contemplating when it is that I will not continue in youth ministry in the position I am in. As youth pastors, do we have a shelf life? Is there a good time to step away from the lead position?

I’ve always had in my mind that I would be doing this for ten years. I’m coming up to eight years this year.

Do I still feel called? Yes. Do I still care for students? Yes. Is my heart still in it? Yes.

I guess the debate becomes, do I leave while all of those answers are “yes.” I believe that I should. I do not want to leave a ministry that is unhealthy for someone else to fix. I want to be able to pass on the torch brightly lit.

I don’t think that many of us plan with the end in mind. It’s something that I’m beginning to do. What decisions am I making now, that will affect the next youth pastor? We all need to be asking those questions. I don’t believe that we do that enough.

It’s scary to think of any position, any job without yourself. But to ensure long term health, we need to get over our fears.

Staying Connected

4,000. That’s a pretty hefty number.
Say it with me-FOUR THOUSAND.
Believe it or not that is the average number of text messages a typical teenager sends and recieves on a monthly basis. I was able to find this number by a quick survey of some of the kids in the youth ministry. I’m sure that is even a conservative rate, knowing some teenagers and the amount of time they spend on those things they call phones. (Even though I’m not too sure why they are called that anymore-no one does any talking on them anymore…)
Let’s unpack this fact just a little more. 4,000 text messages translates to over 130 messages in a day. Let’s break it down even further. Knowing that the average teenager is awake around 15 hours a day, that translates into almost nine texts an hour or a text every 7 minutes. Now, keep in mind I’m being very conservative, but still the numbers are very significant. (I didn’t even account for when they are in school and really can’t use text messaging)
These teenagers are trying to reach out, to the tune of over 130 times a day. They are trying to find connection, relationship. But are these relationships trully fulfilling? Weren’t we created to reach out in more personal ways?
Truth is, we are. We are meant to interact with with one another in a more personal way. We are meant to exist together in community, side by side, having true communication. Don’t we all need to work at that? Are we reaching out that many times a day? Are we trying to connect with those around us? Are we trying to connect with God that many times? I’m going to be asking the students in the Youth Ministry that very question. Along with that, I’m going to be asking myself that very same question.
My plea and my prayer is that you are asking yourself that question as well. In addition I hope that you are asking the students in your life that as well. I hope that you will join me in trying to help them not only connect with the Lord but with those people that will encourage them and help them to grow in their faith.